I did the deed

At about 10:50 am on Tuesday, November 29, I officially signed away four years of my life, my youth. I’m a bit sad. The feeling of being tied down doesn’t go down well with me, someone who craves to soar freely in the sky. So don’t come ask me for treats thinking that teachers are all very rich. I’m saving it up just in case…eh…arhem…u know what I mean.

But since I've already done the deed, I might as well look at the bright side of things. I’m gonna be there to hopefully change someone’s life for the better, in one way or another! Yeap! Kids nowadays really ought to be taught how to behave. I was down at Sentosa last Friday with one bunch of them. My! I didn’t remember myself being as atrocious as them either in behaviours or attitudes. Seriously speaking, I think they should be thrown into a jungle for a few days, seeing how they complained they didn’t want to eat the fish and veg. It’s a camp! What did they expect? Abalone and oysters? And teachers were definitely not there for the very purposeful intent of listening to their mindless grouses.

One month of holidays. I think I’m busier than usual. Ha, the irony of it.

For this whole month, I hope I can:
1. Have loads and loads of fun
2. Have loads and loads of fun
3. Have loads and loads of fun
4. Spend time with family and have loads and loads of fun
5. Spend time with friends and have loads and loads of fun
6. Practice my piano (Aiming for practical exam in Nov next year. Hmm, actually I’m not just aiming for it. I will definitely do it.)
7. Study my music theory (Taking exam next march)
8. Lindy
9. Improve English grammar
10. Study the long-forgotten Chemistry
11. Tone my arms, abs and butt (They are starting to freak me out)
12. Sleep more

Aye, damn greedy. Talking about greedy, I forgot to put down “Have more sinful chocolates and cakes”. As you can see, I’m not very good at prioritizing, thinking of having loads and loads of fun AFTER having LOADS AND LOADS of it. My dad thinks I’m been having too much fun. So does my mum and everyone else in my family. Everyone thinks that it’s time for me to settle down. Okay, I admit. I’ve been having way too much fun. That’s why I’m using the bond to tie me down and hopefully try to not prance around like I’m still a little kid. I really am trying. But if the heart is born free, can the soul be ever tamed? I wonder.

My cousin – my kampong khaki – is a father at 26. His baby just turned a month old. Looking at him, I sometimes marvel at how big the chasm in our lives is, that he already has a kid while I’m still a kid myself. Can I ever grow up? I wonder again.

Cold Sweat...

Call it the pre-agreement jitters. I'm going into NIE in Jan for my training and I'm supposed to sign the teacher training agreement soon. All these while, i've been pretty sure that this is what i want: to sign the agreement, go for training and then teach for as long as i could withstand.

However, as the day for signing draws closer, i start to feel unnerved. Unsettled. Three years is not exactly a short time. And I don't think i'm tackling the easiest of subjects, Eng and Chem. They just rejected my appeal to change to music. I admit i'm having cold feet now. Horrific thoughts of how i might not cope inundate my mind. I worry if i'll end up like one of those teachers who break down and end up in a mental institution. I worry if i'll be so busy marking papers that my weekends will be days to exercise only my wrist. I worry. I worry. I know i'm thinking too much.

And though i'm just signing away three years of my life, i guess i kind of glean on why some people get jitters before they sign on the dotted lines for marriage. It really is scary -- spending your life with someone for the rest of your life. While it seems that the sanctity and sacredness of marriage is on a slippery slope to frivolity and that many are opting out of it as easily as they opt in, it still will be a life-changing decision that will warrant many sleepless nights. At least for me. Eh not that i'll need to consider it any time soon. Like i say, I think too much, like all my gal friends.

To sign or not to sign. The conclusion is, I'll still sign it. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Sometimes, it's really better to follow Nike's way of life. Forest Gump's philosophy's pretty sound too. But to combine them will work best for me now. Because life's like a box of chocolate and you'll never know what you'll get, so you should just do it.

What it means to be...

Saw Ww's blog about keeping promises. Decided to do my take on it.
I think i'm one who keeps my promises well. (Er...but i can be forgetful at times. Tell me if i did break my promises. I'll change for the better, i promise. Ha)
If i promise i would do something, you'll see it get done.
If i promise that i'll go somewhere with you, i'll definitely not back out the last minute.
Why? Simply because I've made a promise, a commitment to do something. I keep to it because promises made to me have been broken before. I don't like it. So, i don't do it to others.
Yes, i have a strange and strong temper when it comes to this. I feel as though the code of honour has been broken when it happens. In other words, it really pisses me big time when you break promises. Unless you really have very good reasons. "Meeting other friends instead" don't count as a good reason. It'll only give me more reason to want to kick you in the ass.

And it's not just about breaking the trust between us. It shows how much you value friendship and how much you respect a person, how much you respect me as a friend. I take friendships seriously. Maybe sometimes too seriously for my own good. Yes, i get hurt because of that. But i don't care because i don't want to find out what it feels like to not treat a person earnestly. Or rather, i did it before and the feeling was just horrendous. So fake. Totally repulsive.

Back to promises. I just wanna say: keep your promises. If you can't keep them, don't make them. If you wanna break them, don't do it to me, unless you feel i'm not worth keeping as a friend. And don't let me know you did it to others. My impression of you will definitely fall ten notches.

Wah, i sound scary right? Yes, i am. So, do you still want me as a friend? I certainly hope so :P

I just can't...can't

I just can't do it. Keep my mouth shut and not sing, that is. Yes, i have a problem with that. I was blasting my mp3 player on my way home after piano lesson. I was in a hyper sprightly mood cos my teacher said, AGAIN, that she's very happy with my improvement. Heehee.

I don't know if she's just trying to encourage me but she said the pieces that i'm playing now are about diploma standard. That means i could probably take my dip exam end of next year! Keeping my fingers crossed. (Dear Ti-gong, tolong, tolong, please let me do it by end next year while i'm still in nie. I want to do it before my world crashes when the kids infiltrate my world and bring everything to a standstill.)

Ok, i digressed. My mind always goes on a whirlwind tour round the world, peeking at puny, tiny corners, before coming back. Heehee, so, back to my irrepressible urge to oil my vocal machinery ever so often. As i was saying, i was blasting my mp3 player on my way home after piano lesson. I was in my oldies mood, and Elvis was the perfect partner for that moment. Fell in love with him after i saw his '67 (i think) concert on SCV. Suave, smooth and soulful. If i were at his concert, i'm pretty sure i would not only go weak in my knees. My entire being will disintegrate. Yes, you have to see him work his charm before you could understand why girls, aunties and grandmothers alike swoon over him. Ok, i digressed again. "You were always on my mind" was playing. (Am still trying to figure out how to post songs on my blog. Yollev, help me leh). I'll always be totally engaged and engrossed in the song. Always.

Up next was Eternal Flame by The Bangles. I was about 50 metres away from home after alighting from the bus. I was pretty sure no one's around when the most angsty, highest register was about to come on, the part "is this burning an eternal flame". Cleared my throat and there i went..."an eternal..." before i could finish singing, i spotted a dark shadow behind me. Shoot. A secondary school kid was behind me, talking on the phone. He gave me a disgusted look. Real or imagined, i don't want to find out.

To say that i was sore with embarrassment would not sufficiently connate my total loss of face at that point in time. I was singing my heart out. Meaning that i sang out loud. VERY loud. The only hiding place i could see was a pillar nearby. "No, just walk on. Don't try to run or hide," i told myself. Composed myself and walked on. When things go bad, they can only go worse. He had to take the same lift with me! Using my telepathic eyes, i spoke to him: "Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you want, silently. Just don't let me hear it aloud."

Yes, now i've learnt: the only place you should attempt to sing is in the bathroom and at ktv lounge. Public domain is a big no-no because you'll never know when a head will pop out.

How Do You Live As A Person?

How true this is. But I think this does not only apply to kids. I think we can all learn a little something from this. Just to share…Hee…

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.

If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.