Thinking & Feeling

Some people feel too much, think too little. They let emotions override logic.
Some feel too little, think too much. They lead pragmatic lives with cold, lonely hearts.
Me? I think I'm rather balanced in thinking and feeling. Aren't i lucky?
But the problem is, I think i have an excess of both.
Feeling too much and thinking too much, I feel that perennial clash between pragmatism and emotions. But if given a choice, will I want to feel less of both? I'm not sure about that. How would you want to be if given a choice?

My colour is blue again...

The last time i did a similar test, my colour was blue too...Hmm is that why i love the sea?



Your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

Stressometer Red Alert

Ok, i'm more stressed than i think i am. So please don't come joke with me about me being free, or question me if i'm really that busy. I really AM VERY, VERY busy. And I'm just doing bare minimal to cover my ass. I have 10 or more essays, group work, assignments due over the next month. I'm not talking about getting As or Bs. I don't care for that. I just want to finish my assignments and presentations and spend time with family, friends and on my hobbies. But do your maths and tell me how much time i have for leisure. Almost zilch. Just enough to let me keep my sanity in check.
Don't come near me and ruffle my feathers now. I'll really bite.
The fact that i don't complain doesn't mean I'm not busy. My insouciance is just a front. I need my optimism to keep me going. And I don't see the point of complaining. In fact, i don't have the time to complain. I've not touched my piano for 5 days and i'm bothered. Having more assignments and presentations than my brain can register makes me bothered. The fact that you think I don't care about you makes me bothered. Because i do. But i don't even have enough time for myself. So i really don't have the time to think about you. I'm sorry. I really am. I can't help it. I hope u'll understand. Things will get better in May, i think. Great. I can't go to the library to do my research now cos my eyes are swollen from crying. I'm stranded at home. I can't practice piano because I'm not in a good mood. ARghhh. Don't ask me if i'm ok. I am. Crying is just a form of catharsis for me. No big deal. I don't need care or concern. I just need understanding.
Work is nothing to me. I'm totally competent and completely capable of handling it. Human relations is the one that's crippling me. All i can say is I'm already trying my best. I'm sorry if i don't live up to your expectations. But does care really have to be an overt expression so that the other person knows it explicitly? You know i'll definitely be there if you have an emergency. I'll fly there. But now's just not a good time for me to show my care and concern explicitly. I'm sorry.
A sleep-deprived, rather depressed soul signing off.

Beautiful Day, Beautiful Life

Yippee!!! My science tests and music theory exam are over!!
The best thing is I've got the vibe that i'm going to pass all of them. [I hope i won't be wrong! Be sure i'll post my sob stories if i do fail any!! :( ] I won't do exceptionally well, of course. But i really do just aim to pass them cos that's all i can manage with sooo many things on my plate. Heehee...Most importantly, i had my share of fun those agonizing weeks with SEA Jam and blading. So who said I can't have my cake and eat it?! Moderation is key and discipline is king. (No tiramisu, simple butter cake will suffice too :P) Or maybe greed just usurps everything else?!

Rewarded myself by shopping yesterday...keke...bought a kawaii red top and a sassy, floral tube dress...It's one of those days when u just feel u need to reward yourself for pulling through certain a milestone in your life. Of course you don't need a reason to pamper yourself, but rewarding yourself after working hard just makes the whole process a whole lot sweeter because you know you've earned it.

Chatted to wee hours with jc friens yesterday. Great gathering. From it all, i walked away that day feeling very blessed. With having friens like them, with what i have in life, with what i do not have to go through in life, with my optimism that has helped me ride roughshed over obstacles, with everything i have in life right now. With that feeling of zen pervading, seeping through every cell of mine. Today's a beautiful day and i have a beautiful life. Something that i've learnt recently: when life gets busy, take heart in doing everyday things with joy and pleasure. Like eating. Eat with happiness. Like bathing. Sing and dance while at it. I want to live forever if i can because i'm greedy and marvelled by the fact that life, in spite of ups and downs, is replete with beauty of so many kinds. There are so many things i want to try and do in my lifetime.

Sorry for sounding over the top. I can't help it. My life it too good. Cheers! =)

Stop chasing me, please!

What a dream i had yesterday. I created an ananconda-like creature (from flour?!) and it came alive though it was only half created and started chasing me down flights and flights of stairs. My feet hardly touched the floor. I was practically flying, making use of the momentum of speed from turning to manoeuvre down the next flight of stairs. I forgot how it ended. How strange can my dreams get?!

Interpretation from Dreammoods.com:
Chase dreams often stem from feelings of anxiety in your walking life. The way we respond to anxiety and pressure in real life is typically manifested as a chase dream. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in our environment. Often in these dream scenarios, you are being pursued by some attacker, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. You are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer. Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. Ask yourself who is the one chasing you and you may gain some understanding and insight on the source of your fears and pressure.The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent a part of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can assume the appearance of threatening figure. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a chase dream, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you. One may be consumed by their own anger, jealousy, love, or self-destructive behavior. For example, you may be drinking too much or exhibiting open hostility toward others around you. You may subconsciously be threatened by these actions which have been jeopardizing your relationships and/or career. Your dreams are a way of calling attention to these self-destructive actions.A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault in which we are so over-exposed from the media. The violence that the media portrays magnifies our fears and how at risk we all are

A day for dandelion

Warmest wishes for a dear pal who's turning....26 (Aiyo so old already!!) today...Far away in London...I bet she'll be having a jolly good time today, no matter what she's doing. She noes how to pamper herself in her own little ways and enjoy the moment while it lasts. Happy Birthday dear!! =)

When the going gets tough...

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going...around the school searching for cheesecake. During my chemistry class today, i had the sudden craving for cheesecake. That's when i realised that i've not been getting my regular dose of pastries. Yes, the linchpin in accounting for my sanity and psychological well-being. (Wah, so serious huh?!) So lunch was a chicken mayonnaise sandwich and new york cheesecake at Coffee Club in school. Not exactly heavenly but good enough to make me go "Ommm..." at that first bite.

Strangely, though i had so many things on my plate for the past week, i don't feel an ounce of stress. It seems as though i'm a computer with a list of task to finish, after prioritizing, set out to finish all of them. Of course, it might be that school work is not in full swing yet. After all, for my first two months, i tackled only five modules. Now, it's 10. (10 x average 2 assignments per subject, I'm in for yet another roller coaster ride!)

Chem test on Tues was bad. 5 questions in 2 hrs. I didn't know how to do some of them but I don't think i'll fail. Getting stuck on my first question threw me into a flux of confusion and anxiety. But of course, composure found its way subsequently. Phew! Crossing my fingers, all ten of them. Surely the lecturers should let me pass for my effort!? i woke up at 6 plus in the morning to study that day! Haha..

Another test on coming Tues and music theory exam next Saturday, I'd have paid my dues. Yay! Yay! Yay! Why did i ever land myself in shit, rushing around like a mad woman, I wonder. But seriously, there's no better time to do what i need and want to do. I'll probably fail my theory exam, but i'll just take it for the experience. Aiy, i'll just try my best. This time, I'll cross my fingers and toes, all 20 of them, and hope for the best. I might not pass, but i do feel that i've achieved what i want -- to learn music composition. Look out for my first music composition soon. Haha.

Went jogging today. I needed time-out after a very packed week. And the most time-efficient "playing hard" activity after "working hard" was jogging. Yeah, i needed to compensate for my lack of social life by doing something that would make me feel alive. I'm just not the kind who can work without play. (But of cos, the converse is never true. Haha.) The orangy skyline was beautiful. Top that up with a thin crescent moon and music on the go. They certainly went a long way to gratifying my rather-deficient state of being presently.

One week to freedom. =). I certainly hope my tactic of delayed gratification will make me stay focused and look forward to my day of freedom and fun.