I wan to noe you...all over again...

The art of listening. Was reading Tuesdays with Morrie when this pang of guilt stuck me. It was talking about how when two people speak to each other, they should really just concentrate on the other person. Nothing else.
I'm so heading straight for the gallows. A confession: I don't think i've always been a very good listener. My mind drifts at times. Probably because it's been well-trained to sieve out the constant nagging my mum has been raining on me for years.
And now, i just want to say this: I want to know you...all over again...With full attention.

Stock-taking...

It seems almost a ritual for me to take stock of my life every now and then when i have the time.
It seems to be a pretty good time to do so now, when life at nie is quite a bed of roses. (All right, those of you who are complaining about why we're taking taxpayers' money and slacking, read my previous posts about how bad life was for the first two terms! :P And plus the practicum..)
Dance seems to have taken the backseat. Somehow, lindy just doesn't register on my list of priorities anymore. I've seen this day coming. But considering that i started dancing when i was 19, maybe it's time to move on. Probably jaded by the lack of opportunities and vibrancy in the local arts scene. Or rather the lindy scene.

Suddenly have this overwhelming urge to spend my time to do volunteer work. I mean i've always wanted to do it. I did contemplate studying social work in uni but was drawn by the glamour and seemingly exciting life of studying mass comm.
Turned out to be glamour not!
Anyway, will have to put this thought of volunteering on hold first. Need to see how busy i'll be for my first yr of teaching. If i'm going into it, it'll be long term. So i'll have to make sure that i organise my time properly and make the time for it. It's all or nothing. Yeah, that's me.

Also have this overwhelming urge to write a book. A children's book that's fit for adults, with political undertones, with hints of social injustices and quirks about everyday life. My mind went bersek that day while lying in bed, with bursts of ideas chasing one another. So many things to pen down and explore. Haha. My brain is just so active at night. Don't know why. It scares me. I can probably put my dreamscapes to good use too. So, watch out for my book. Haha.

Cold room with black and white keys...

Gearing up for my dip piano exam in end Nov. The last time I took a practical exam was seven years ago.
Practical exams are no joke. I could still remember my quivering hands.
“I’m not nervous. I’m not nervous,” I kept repeating to myself. And really, I wasn’t feeling THAT nervous. Or so I thought.
My hands knew the truth better. They tremoured. And tremoured. And tremoured. They just didn’t belong to me. It was a 7.0 on the Richter scale. Their persistence and willfulness went on until my ass was finally out of the exam studio.
After that, I’d start to hate myself.
“Why the hell are you so cowardly? It’s just one bloody exam. Why can’t you just play like you normally do at home? And you! Stupid hands! You!” With one hand beating the other, and the constant, nonsensical muttering, I was lucky no one made an emergency call to the IMH.
Finally, I’m on the road to fulfilling something on my to-do list. It’s been two years in planning. I’m glad I’ve held on. And frankly, this isn’t the exam that I’m hoping to stop at. I want to pursue further. But it probably is where it’s gonna stop, with teaching proper kicking in next year. I don’t think I can hold on much longer. It’s probably good-bye. Kind of sad, huh? That's life. That's reality.
I’ll tell you how much the Richter scale reads come end-November.

Twister...

Short, fried and curly. And I'm not talking about twister fries here.
It's my hair.
It's the culmination of a mix of boredom, curiosity and impetuosity.
Nothing much went on when i was at the salon. The hairdresser (in my itch for excitement, i decided to try a new hairstylist in a new salon) was very professional. In his world, there was only him and my hair. His eyes, locked on how my hair should look. And then, my locks fell to the ground in disarray.
Three and a half hours ticked by. Slowly. SLOWLY...SLOOWLLY...
Finally, the metamorphosis was complete.
Wooh. Who's that in the mirror?!?
Just how different do i look? My sis laughed her head off. It was a really good way for her to start her day.
Oh well, who cares if she laughs? I've done what i wanted to do and that' another tick off my list of hairdos i want to try out. I love experimenting with my hair. You'll never know how different you could look until you tried it.
Short, tomboyish cut. Checked.
Sassy, bob cut. Checked.
Shoulder-length hair. Checked.
Long hair, blonde then brunette. Checked.
Next: Long and curly? Bald?
I'll wait for my hair to grow first. And don't laugh when you see me with my new hairdo! :P

Bitten by the Holiday Bug

Ain't in the mood for anything. I'm in a pretty languid mood, where the thought of nothingness spells heaven and this longing to laze never seems to dissipate. This respite really is my much-needed paradise.
I want to just laze, to softly curl up in my comforter, stretching every now and then to feel the gentle fabric against my skin. I'm really feeling like a cat. Meeeooow. Haha.
Pardon me. I've never felt so lazy in a long time. I don't want to mark any essays. I don't feel like playing my piano ( I tried playing and i can't help but feel that it sounded horrible). I don't feel like watching any TV programmes. I just want to do nothing. Completely NOTHING. Maybe i'm just recharging myself. I've come a long way (in my own terms, of course!!) and i deserve a good break. A break to pamper and love myself. Cheers! Bring in the red wine!

Life's little musings...

Just when you thought you lost something for good, it appeared right before your eyes without you having to lift a finger. Not even your lil' pinkie.
My favourite pair of pants magically appeared again, after taking a sabbatical of God-knows-how-long. Such is life, ain't it? Peppered with little surprises to brighten up your days.
And just when you're aren't over that ecstasy of restaking your claim on something, something else's gotta give. One of my earrings, Ms Silvery Perlini eloped with a mysterious Mr D right under my nose. Gone. Forever. No chance for even a small hug and a farewell. There goes a gift from friends. This time, i know it'll be gone forever, because i lost it in school. Sobs. Goodbye. I hate losing friends' gifts, however small.
But such is life again. Gaining. Losing. Victory. Defeat.
Not that the victories make the defeats any easier to swallow. But you just learn to accept that that's part of life.