I'm Alive!!!

Yes, I'm back!! After a hell ride.
Sorry if i seemed to be out of sorts. Sorry if I didn't seem to be paying attention to you when we were together. I hope i did not make you feel like i didn't enjoy your company. My fault. Has nothing to do with you.
This year has been a really tumultuous one for me. i feel as though my life has been played out like a drama. If it's made into a show, you might think the script-writer is being over-the-top. How can it be so "drama"? And i thought i'm sinking into depression. I don't even feel like meeting friends i adore.
And you might think i'm exaggerating. Maybe I am. After all, when i compare myself to many others around, i'm still very fortunate. It really is a matter of perspective. Yes, I had an epiphany just. Things that seemed darn serious now feels rather laughable. Hark! What was i thinking!?!?
No big deal. Slap me on my cheek. I'll turn back to face the front. Punch me in the stomach, i'll kick you back.
I dare you to try me.
GGGGRRRRRRRRRR.......
Hi. I'm glad to be back.
Thank you, Life, for making me stronger.
It's been quite a ride.

Initiation...

I've been feeling kinda down lately.
I feel I've aged 10 years. Call it my initiation to adulthood. (although technically speaking, that should have taken place six years back). Or call it just plain jadedness.
The multitude bombardments to the realities of life left me with much mental fatigue and a general disappointment with life.
I must have been just a silly, naive fool to believe in the good of people.
Fidelity is no longer in vogue. Perhaps it has never been.
And how can a person be so devoid of empathy, care and love? I fail to understand. My heart aches.
Don't ask me what exactly made me say this. Some things are not meant to be said.
I'm fine. I'm just being initiated to adulthood.

My Big Day

29 November is my Big Day. Please get ready the champagne glasses. And champagne, of course.
No, i'm not getting married, although sometimes i do fantasize about that once in a while. Well, i can't help it, being at this age and getting wedding invites from my pals every other month. At the last count, six guys from my secondary class have gotten married while two gals are aready speaking the "gaga, googoo, okok, mummy's here" language. One is heavily pregnant now.
But of course, a fantasy, according to dictionary.com is defined as imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained, hence a fantasy remains something that is played in the mind, not the real life.
Eh, i think i've digressed. This blog is not about weddings and having babies. Nowhere near, although the experience will be equally nerve-wrecking.
I'm gunning for my piano diploma again, after a failed attempt to clinch the deal last year, thanks to my rather disastrous showing. Can't believe it's been a year since i last took the exams. The jittery, can't-sit-can't-stand-can't-eat-can't sleep syndrome haunted overbearingly. Somehow, when it's exam time, it's usually poo time rather than show time. Yes, it feels like i'm defecating, where i get everything out at one go.
No pauses, no thought, no nuances, no expression, no nothing. Such odious playing. I always felt helpless, when the hands refused to do the bidding of its master. The obstinate creatures go into the little dance of shaking from left to right, non-stop, as if performing the butt-shimmying, only that they aren't half as sexy.
Arghhhh, i want to pass the exam. Anyone wants to be my audience, so that my hands can be tired from all the shimmying and are finally willing to cooperate for once at the right time?
Bring in the champagne glasses!