I Don't Want to Sleep Tonight...

I don't want to sleep tonight. I'm afraid that when i sleep, i'll lose my sudden "right" touch for my left hand on the piano.
For the first time in 17 years, i finally feel that my left hand is really playing the piano, not ravaging the keys. This episode is rather bizarre. Somehow, it just happened. Or rather, it did not just happen. It was a cumulation of different things.
Thing No. 1: Reuben Kee
Saw how he played the piano on youtube. He made me realise what enjoying music meant, something i forgot about when i started learning piano from my new teacher and became too conscious about my left hand. I was trying to adapt to the new technique, which requires me to channel my energy to my fingertips. Simply put, i forgot what really mattered in music.
Reuben's hands were relaxed and really feeling the music, embracing the keyboard. So, Reuben Kee, thank you so much. Here's a stranger wishing you that you have an equally fulfilling life up there, as much as you did.
Thing No. 2: My Piano Examiner
I did a horrible exam again on Thursday. How bad was it? I felt so terrible that i cried after the exam, which i have never done before. Yes, it felt like shit. The funny thing is, i now feel that it was a blessing in disguise. If i had not done badly, the examiner probably would not have said what she said to me. (Yes, horror of horrors, gasps!! A female examiner. They say it's probably gone case when you get female examiners. The irony of things is that i'll probably remember her for the rest of my life for her kindness. In retrospect, she felt like the fairy godmother who helped a poor lass in total distress. My first encounter with fairies, or maybe guardian angel.) I thought she was going to praise me even though i performed badly when she said she was pretty sure i had listened to professional recordings of the songs that i played. I thought she was going to say something like this: "Yes, you interpreted the music like what the professionals do."
However, this was what she said instead: "You are not playing your own music. I come here to listen to your music. Not to the CD. What you're playing is their interpretation of music. I want to hear your interpretation. You did not show me your interpretation. Next time, don't listen to the recordings. Even composers interpret their songs differently each time they play, depending on their moods."
Ouch.
OUCH.
OUUCCCHHHH. TOTALLY BRUTAL WORDS.
Then came the less-ouch part: "You played some beautiful sounds for this piece (Beethoven). You were playing your own music. You have good technique."
Lesson learnt: Just play what you think feels right, but of course within certain confines.
Thing No. 3
ATM lent me a book called "The Law of Attraction". In it, the law of attraction is defined as such: That which is like unto itself, is drawn. In layman's term, it's called "birds of the same kind flock together". So when you think negatively, negative energy gets attracted to you. When you think failure, failure comes to you. Of course the book contains more insights than that, but this is enough to make me look at my world in a different light.
As a result of these events, i start to force myself to think that i can do it. I can channel my energy to my fingertips. I can immerse myself in music.
And viola! It really happened. The power of positive thinking.
Not convinced? Try it yourself. Positive thinking really does wonders.
Right now, i'm just going to commemorate this day where i really start to feel that i might one day become a piano teacher because my left hand is finally sorting itself out. And for the first time, the idea of turning professional becomes real.
Feels great. And no, it's not a dream.