Jaded...Ja..Ja..Jaded

The line from Aerosmith just kept looping in my mind. I don't know why. I think i've been gotten down by Life.
I didn't know that has been hovering around until i talked to Missy Rossalini that day when she uttered, "You sound so jaded." Talk about something seeping quietly into the system. I was alarmed by her remark. Helpless too, the same time.
I don't like the status quo. Something's gotta give. Either my idealism. My sanity. Or my money. Ha. If you know what i mean.
Do i sound like a cynic? I don't know. I seem to have lost myself. I'm not even half my previous self, i think.
What got me down, i can't say for sure. The bureaucratic giant machinery? The weakling in me? Or my life's just too good that i've forgotten how to appreciate when i have already?
May be everything. May be nothing.
Or maybe it's the lack of time for dancing and piano that i feel i've lost touch with the creative aspect in me. Operating like a pragmatic, methodical robot, I can't seem to feel anymore.
And that got me really scared. What is worse is i could sink into moodiness almost immediately when i'm alone after one bout of hearty laughter with friends.
But this holiday is a good break from it all. At least i get to psyche myself, to brace myself for what is to come next. And to change my perspectives towards things. Re-adjust my priorities.
Can't quite make sense of what i wrote. It's ok.
I'm worried for myself. I don't know if i should be. But I'm very clear what needs to be done. So i guess that's a good sign.
"Always look on the bright side of life...."