Humility

I failed my dip exam again. Not that it wasn't expected. When i played that terribly. 3 unmistakable breaks in 4 songs. The only saving grace was I didn't make that a perfect score of 4.
A consolation though: I only failed by 5 marks. The examiner's concluding comment was, "unfortunately, your nerves did affect your performance".
Technically speaking, i should have passed if i played like i did for practices. No, i'm not deluded. I know where i stand. Don't worry about asking me about it. I'm really not affected by it. Really! Though i know my standard, of course it'll be better if i had a cert to prove it. (Very Singaporean hoorrr?!? I mean, after sinking in more than a thousand bucks to take the exams. Naturally I hope to get the cert right?)
But am i throwing my money away, since I don't quite need that cert for a living? To me, no. It was a challenge i issued myself. I want to overcome my fear of performing. Of course, a thousand bucks could have gotten me an LV bag, which many would splurge on, but brands have never appealed to me. Don't ask me why. I don't see the need to because what i adorn do not determine my self-worth. I don't need a bag to make me feel good. My experience, stepping into the examination room, is a whole lot more enriching to my life.
In fact, it added a new dimension to my thoughts: failure is new longer that frightening. My life so far has been smooth sailing. I took whatever tests and exams at only one sitting, with good results to boot. I took pride in doing well, everytime, all the time. That was why i piled myself with stress when i took my dip exam the first time round. And thinking it could be the last piano exam i could afford to take amidst my busy teaching, my only thought was only about passing the exam. And of course, that -- being bent on passing -- ironically led to failure.
The exams were lessons on humility. Having gone through it, i realised failing isn't that horrible afterall. It made me look at people who failed, in whatever ways, in a different light too.
Yes, I'm not infallable. Truly humbled.
The failure, of course, does not mean that my musical journey is drawing to a close. I'm having another go at it. But this time, I'll trying for a dip that's of a slightly higher standard. No point banging for the same exam just for the cert. Two years to prepare. Looking forward to more challenges.