My future is...

My months of bumming will be over very soon. I'm feeling great and recharged after taking a much needed break. I was really suffering from burnout from my previous job.

Come mid-sept, I'll be stepping into a classroom once again. Only this time, I'll be the one doing all the talking and the one writing furiously on the board. I'm supposed to teach Eng and Chem in a sec school. The posting's yet to be out and I pray i won't get a super naughty class. I can't imagine the kids calling me "Miss YEEEE"(as though I'm some disgusting creature) and giving me nicks like "Fishy Fish","Fish-tail" or even "Nemo" (to make it less obvious??!!) I did my fair share of name-calling as a student. The thought of getting my retribution gives me the jitters.

It's probably normal to not know what to do on that first day. I'm clueless. Absolutely. Should i be fierce with them? Should i be like a friend? What I've been hearing a lot is:"Even if you're fierce, i think the students won't be scared of you leh!" (With sniggers that can be heard miles away)

Eh, is it my built? Or am i just too nice to you people? (Ahaha :P). Time to prove my mettle. I'll try to put my NPCC experience to good use ie. screaming and shouting commands till people fell to their knees to beg that i stopped shouting. Ahaha. Nah. I really don't know how i should treat them. I guess i just have to go with the flow.

Many people have asked me before: Why the decision when i'm supposed to be pursuing my passion in piano? My dream job is to teach PE and music in school because i'll be able to interact with many students and teach them things that i truly enjoy.

However, enjoying an activity does not equate finesse in it. I failed my music audition. Darn! I can't blame the examiner though. I croaked like a toad during the sight-singing test because i was too nervous. Myimprovisation was like a kindergarten kid fumbling with a keyboard for the first time. I have no one to blame but myself.

And I almost went bersek when my new piano teacher told me that my playing technique was wrong. So wrong was i for fifteen darn years! That's a long time to not realise a mistake. So I'm starting from scratch again, building up my basics. But this journey will not be an easy one. Because i can sit at my piano for two hours playing just one scale and still sound horrible for weeks. And it's just one scale. I have 252 scales to practice. Yes, a few setbacks and I've sold out. Have i?

Yes, I did once declare my ambition to be a piano teacher. But right where I'm at now, I just don't know how long i'll take. And whether i'm suited for the job is a question, given that I enjoy lots of social interaction -- something that teaching piano one-on-one cannot offer. And money is a concern too! I hate it that I've to budget my spending every week. (Yes, I've succumbed to the the EVIL one. I hate it that idea and I'm ashamed of myself!)

Be it a moe teacher, a piano teacher, a lindy hop instructor, a social worker. Nothing's cast in stone. And nothing's bad about that. I'm, after all, just 25. I remembered Sim Wong Hoo saying something like this: "The beauty of life is that you get to make choices. Over and over again."

This pretty much sums up how i feel. At least after 25 years, I know what's out for me. No more dreams about becoming a lawyer, a reporter or a broadcast journalist because i know they're not my cup of tea.

So what's my cup of tea? I don't know. The point is i can choose and choose again. Until i find my career path. For now, I'm pretty excited about my life. A new start.

My music? All i know is that I'll never give it up. So far, music's the best investment I've made (although it's my dad's money most of the time. Heehee..) It's something that I can never do without. I'll choose to do it, over and over again, even if there are no tangible returns in the eyes of others.
Music diploma. Wait for me! I'll get to you some day, somehow! No matter how long! I'll get to you!