Just Shoot Me!!

Frustrated. Thus, this entry.
It really is no joke teaching a subject you're hardly knowledgeable in.
Case in point: Chemistry.
First, you need to read the text book 10 times over to figure out what exactly you learnt (or not) 10 year ago.
Next, you need to toss, flip and what-not to forcefully ingest and digest whatever there is.
Next, you need to think of how to teach it. Not forgetting, how to teach it interestingly.
It helps if you don't have to use resources that are pretty messed up.
It'll really help if you're not forced to use them.
It'll help even more if you don't have to centre your lesson around messed up resources.
That really irks me. Not being able to teach the lesson the way i want it.
My oh my.
And I can't tell you how frustrated i feel. Especially when you just can't figure out how best to teach something you're not sure of.
My sense of responsibility will kill me.
My ego of wanting kids to pay attention during my lessons will kill me.
My allegy to boredom -- in particular, boring lessons taught by me -- will kill me.
My low threshold for imperfections will kill me.
My idealism of how lessons should be conducted in class will kill me.
Kill me, to think of ways, means and methods to teach a good lesson.
What a potent combination.
I'm afraid. Afraid of becoming a workaholic. Obssessed with coming up with fun and good lessons.
Help!! :(