When Baking = Pandemonium

I need the "Idiot's Guide to Baking". And I'm sure i'm not alone.
Come on, who would actually know that there is a difference between "whipped cream" and "whipping cream" until...i mean...you really pay attention to the very subtle difference behind the words "whipped" and "whipping". Yes, I'm an English teacher, and there can be no excuse to not note the nuance. But...but...i happen to be a blur English teacher and my eyesight is beginning to fail me as i inched nearer and nearer to the big three-you-know-what.
And anyway, how many amongst us are supposed to know that there is a difference between bake and broil and that the two words beginning with the same alphabet can result in such drastic difference when you put in a supposed-yoghurt-cake-to-be?
I mean, how was I to know that if it says bake, I'm supposed to turn the knob on the oven to the cute, little picture that shows heat coming ONLY from the bottom metal bars?
Yes, the next time when somebody makes that mistake, i can proudly laugh at the person because i've lived to tell the tale after being intoxicated by the smoke that came puffing out from the oven when my supposed-yoghurt-cake-to-be was in the process of almost becoming one. My suposed-yoghurt-cake-to-be never lived to tell the tale though, and I was determined to be its messenger to commemorate its bravery for dying, literally, in the heat of action.
Oh, and i didn't know that cups are just like what teaspoons and tablespoons are -- SPECIFIC measurements that tell you the exact amount to use for whatever ingredients. I mean, i see so many different sizes of cups at home, so any Tom, Dick or Harry cup will do the job, as long as i mix everything in the right proportions, right? Wrong, AGAIN.
A cup, is like a super huge scope that we use for ice-cream, and not the mugs that i use for drinking.
What about the fact that we should always use the stipulated amount of ingredients suggested in good recipe books and not let our mood and imagination get the better of us, thinking that this and that amount should do and..and..according to our imagination, everything will work out and viola! the most delectable pastries will appear before us.
Yes. Your faith in my baking skills must be deeply shaken. I don't blame you.
But do take heart that whatever you see before you is done with a lot of heart, after umpteen times of trials and tribulations.
A product of love.
A tale of an idiot's journey.